Author: Twaambo

Where do you go to be soft?

  Where do you go to be soft? Where do you go to fall to your knees, neck outstretched to the sky and let the dam holding the floodgates of your heart… open… open and allow the gush… Where do you go to be still? To let your throat go hoarse from crying because you don’t know how or why.. Where do you fully express your emotions, because if you hold them tight you’ll blow.? Where do you go? Are you only useful when you are strong? Nah, find that place and go soft. We need you… soft….   Love T  

When you don’t feel like yourself anymore.

  Remember when you threw your head back in uninhibited laughter, wiping your eyes as you cried because it was so funny? Remember when you went places enthusiastically, even when no one went with you because you were genuinely interested and had to experience it for yourself? Remember when you didn’t have to use phrases like ‘No new friends’  or like social media posts that said ‘Just doing me, staying on my hustle and taking only myself to the top’ or cutting people off left right and centre because they have the wrong ‘energy’? (Writing this sentence was so exhausting for me! eye roll) Remember when your soul was  still and content, and you lived happily, you got on with your friends, and slept like a baby at night …(okay so maybe your parents were annoying but..) When you did things that made your soul sing and not at the expense of others? I remember them clearly and I am on the righteous quest to be that way again! This corrosion of the soul .. …

The changing friendships of women in their 30’s ..

Laying on my bed,  the phone I held up to my face illuminated my features. I stopped myself from moving too much ( I was at home in Zambia, laying next to my mother, because thats what grown up daughters do when they visit home, soak up every single second they have with their parents.) I was chatting with a dear friend that I had not seen or spoken to in a while. Our lives had gone in different directions much to our amusement! I was living the life she (thought) wanted, and she was living the life I (thought) wanted. Here we were, no longer cruising the streets for the next party, but in our respective homes, I was soaking up Mamas love and she was giving love being a Mama. Our fingers probably both flew over our smartphone keyboards, loving the connection again and sharing our deepest fears and aspirations like days of old, we were 23 or so again. Laying on the grass and sharing. One thing was clear. We are women in our …

How can you be the real you this time around?

I noticed myself smiling like a goofball as I walked down the streets of Itaewon yet again. I was in Seoul again. The city that is in my top 5 cities to live in. ( One day!) I was smiling because my belly was obviously full of good Korean food, I could hear Kpop being blasted from a speaker as I walked past Hamilton hotel yet again. I was dressed in a way that would be considered too….flashy for Berlin ( Berlin is über laid back darling, you must not try too hard, must be vintage, must be different but … don’t try too hard dahling). My blue mini skirt with its flashy jewels, my trusty brogues ( wore them everywhere!) and my gorgeous lip tint. I was feeling alive. I was feeling.. like myself. I didn’t care one bit that I stood out with my long blonde braids and my chocolate skin, the big grin on my face making others smile at me too. I was not trying to be anything else. When had I …

The fight to be included.

The world is at war. Not just in far away lands, lands that you see on the news, but all around you. All you need to do is look a little closer. That’s right. An all out war! This war is everywhere, in our workplaces, schools, homes.. and in our hearts. The fight to be included. Some days you win, you go home victorious, your peers loved your new idea and nodded vigorously in agreement.You’ve got this. Yes! It reaffirms that you’ve got what it takes. Most days, though, you come home, defeated, a little hopeless. Questioning if you are in the right place. Are you talented enough for this? When will someone find out that you actually don’t really know what you are doing either? Where do you belong? This is all you have at the moment so might as well make it work. … and so we fight… We back bite each other in the race to be included, we do things in secret so that when it is successful boy oh boy the …

Treading water..

  Warm brown concrete, drops of water evaporating quickly from its surface, drops of water dripping from wet little bodies in an array of colourful swimsuits. Muffled giggles, sniffles and conversations. Learning how to swim at Nkhwazi primary school in Lusaka was amazingly fun. Since I attended the ‘Little School’  ( 1st and 2nd grade) first, we splashed around in the pond with Mrs Kirby’s dogs.Then we eventually graduated to the shallow end of the boundless swimming pool at the ‘Big School’ which taught all the kids from 3rd grade to 7th grade. We got tested in our swimming skills as we went along, getting certificates as we passed each level. Some were much better swimmers than others ( I never got the gold certificate but I did get  up to silver!) and had to learn a few things in order to be a good swimmer. One of these very important things is treading water. Treading water is simply staying buoyant in a swimming pool (vertically) while keeping your head above the water. You do this …

The Young African and what they wear.

What comes to mind when you think of African fashion?   I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of it lately, celebrities wearing a lot of African inspired looks a la King Bey herself.   I even did a double take whilst watching one highly addictive Korean Drama, is she wearing African print? Look at Mindy Kaling also rocking her cute little African inspired outfit!   There has been an absolute explosion worldwide, African inspired looks, Africa fashion weeks available and popular in various stylish cities in the world. African music is bumping in everyone’s headphones.Did you see Taraji P Henson Instagram about listening to Wizkids  Caro? I will now proceed to show you what young Africans on the continent are doing with fashion, how they interpret it, how they wear it.     Egypts Hadia Ghaleb   A major key to some amazing styling of everyday garments in Africa is thrifting and the tailor down at the market who is churning out all sorts of outfits we must have for weddings, kitchen parties.( don’t forget …

Favourite Sister girl

  ‘YAAAAAASSSSSSSS!’ You ever find yourself screaming as you agree vehemently with a sister as she talks about something you find interesting?   Or when you walk away feeling learned, appreciate that the sisters are learned and …  just general #BlackGirlMagic vibes   Here are some newer  podcasts that take it church. (I wrote a post a while back about which podcasts I was and still enjoy) Four Black girls talking about.. everything! I love that there is four of them, dishing out different perspectives, and having different characters. Heben Nigatu,Tracy Clayton  and their guest grab some drinks and have interesting conversations. Despite the fun vibe, they still get to the poignant questions and leave the listener satisfied, in a good mood and loving life. I love the American life but with African roots (her words not mine 🙂 ) podcast. I love how informative and educational it is. I can feel her Africanness mirroring my own. Evelynn is not a podcaster but a YouTuber.She is a funny sister ooooooh. I love to spend Sunday evening …

Shenanigans in Seoul ..

So this is what happened. We wandered up the street in the warm Seoul air, I smelt like Be Delicious by Donna Karan (my favourite!) , M casually carrying that gorgeous strawberry cake, K with her big gorgeous smile. We had spent the day shopping, drinking coffees ( sweet potato latte for me please!) and just general awesome Seoul life chilling. We got to the restaurant and continued laughing and joking up the stairs. We had arrived at Braii republic. I was the most excited one because I was getting to eat African food again. Not just any African food, but from the Southside, my general area of Africa. I was salivating at the thought of boerwors, maybe some pap..ahhh We walked in and informed the smiling waitress we were meeting some people. The place was busy and smelled really good. All the memorabilia hanging on the wall immediately giving me that feeling, I was on home turf… technically . Was that a castle lager sitting on that table? The waitress led us to the back, the …

What if its not interesting anymore?

  If it’s not interesting you anymore, if its takes an enormous amount of strength (gigantic, enormous, heartbreaking amounts!) to enjoy it and get it done….. if it feels more like a burden … if it feels mismatched and does not feel like it fits ….. It’s time to stop. Does not mean you stop forever, you may just need some time. Even if you put it down forever…. you will pick up something else. It’s okay to stop.  

#MagicalMusic-Music I’m loving

Yo! Yes, I know you have noticed my K-pop fever in the last ‘Music I’m loving’ posts. I ain’t sorry. As usual, I’m sharing the jams I have going on repeat! This is the kpop playlist. I’m listening to that a lot lately. A LOT. CNBlue and their new album Blueming. It’s a different sound from when they first began, similar to another album they did, called ‘Can’t Stop’. I love the sound and dreamy feeling it gives right now in spring. (The name Blueming is apt)   Crush lends his impressive RnB vocals to this track, giving me a much-needed feel of the 90’s RnB vibe.Crush em!   Dean killing it on this live version of ‘ Half Moon ‘ *swoon * Listening to this, I am very impressed with how smooth his voice is and what kind of vocal range he has. Love this is sunny days, on walks, wearing girly clothes … and Dean <3   Crush again, this time with a sad sounding love song. I really like Crush, he does it for me with …

You my dear cannot belong if ….

To be a part of a clique, a team, a couple. To mesh, submerge, diffuse and be one with everyone. Their jokes run off your tongue ..but you are still not as funny…oh maybe for a moment. You wonder why you don’t fit in for too long.Sometimes you find a nice cosy place . You’re comfortable, delighted… and not yourself. You’ve practised your lines, have your facts together, updated on the headlines so you can drop a golden nugget during the conversation. It’s not something you are consciously thinking about, it’s just inside you.. wanting to belong, wanting to be liked, wanting to be important. You light that cigarette and order another beer while your wife cries her eyes out at home. Your heart defiant as you steel yourself to ignore the warning bells in your head. Her love is not stronger than this need you have , to fit in, to be a part of this group, to be somebody. You defiantly listen to his conversation, even when you get an inkling he is attracted …

Wanderlust fulfilled – I’ve got Seoul

Remember that post I wrote a year ago about wanting to go to Seoul. Korea? Well, guess who just came back from there?! I spent three weeks in Korea, eating, shopping and being merry! I had an amazing time! There are no words to express how enthralled I was, how much I ate and how much being there experiencing it made my life happy. 🙂 ) When I first got to Seoul I was staying in Gangnam (Yes Gangnam of Psy fame ) and was immediately mesmerised by how clean everything was. (I live in Berlin, it has its not so clean parts 🙂 ) We quickly checked into our hotel and I quickly turned on the T.V. If you want to get to know a nation, watch what they are watching. ( I was in the land of Kpop and Kdramas, it was time to dive in immediately!) Gangnam is a very wealthy area, ( My friends laughed at me for being very surprised at a really badly parked Maserati as we walked down to …

Inexplicably yourself.

I remember being about 6 years old,sitting outside on the huge lawn of our farmhouse in Lusaka, Zambia. I was all alone, paperclip in hand, and a small flower in the other. I was determined. I was going to spin the flower into cotton like Rumpelstiltskin could spin straw into gold. I just believed I could.I remember looking up into the sky at those big big fluffy clouds,kneeling there in the grass, my chubby hands circled but lots of bangles that jingled every time I moved.Thats the first time I thought. ‘I want to be a scientist.’ I always think about me being out there by myself , and how happy I was, and about how being myself outside has always made me happy.Walking around, looking at the clouds. My spirit is clear, my mind gets clearer and I hear my heart. I finally hear the questions my heart asks and the immediate answer to them. e.g. What would it mean to you if xxxx happened? Immediate answer being it would mean the world.Then I …