All posts filed under: Self care

Where do you go to be soft?

  Where do you go to be soft? Where do you go to fall to your knees, neck outstretched to the sky and let the dam holding the floodgates of your heart… open… open and allow the gush… Where do you go to be still? To let your throat go hoarse from crying because you don’t know how or why.. Where do you fully express your emotions, because if you hold them tight you’ll blow.? Where do you go? Are you only useful when you are strong? Nah, find that place and go soft. We need you… soft….   Love T  

When you don’t feel like yourself anymore.

  Remember when you threw your head back in uninhibited laughter, wiping your eyes as you cried because it was so funny? Remember when you went places enthusiastically, even when no one went with you because you were genuinely interested and had to experience it for yourself? Remember when you didn’t have to use phrases like ‘No new friends’  or like social media posts that said ‘Just doing me, staying on my hustle and taking only myself to the top’ or cutting people off left right and centre because they have the wrong ‘energy’? (Writing this sentence was so exhausting for me! eye roll) Remember when your soul was  still and content, and you lived happily, you got on with your friends, and slept like a baby at night …(okay so maybe your parents were annoying but..) When you did things that made your soul sing and not at the expense of others? I remember them clearly and I am on the righteous quest to be that way again! This corrosion of the soul .. …

The changing friendships of women in their 30’s ..

Laying on my bed,  the phone I held up to my face illuminated my features. I stopped myself from moving too much ( I was at home in Zambia, laying next to my mother, because thats what grown up daughters do when they visit home, soak up every single second they have with their parents.) I was chatting with a dear friend that I had not seen or spoken to in a while. Our lives had gone in different directions much to our amusement! I was living the life she (thought) wanted, and she was living the life I (thought) wanted. Here we were, no longer cruising the streets for the next party, but in our respective homes, I was soaking up Mamas love and she was giving love being a Mama. Our fingers probably both flew over our smartphone keyboards, loving the connection again and sharing our deepest fears and aspirations like days of old, we were 23 or so again. Laying on the grass and sharing. One thing was clear. We are women in our …

You my dear cannot belong if ….

To be a part of a clique, a team, a couple. To mesh, submerge, diffuse and be one with everyone. Their jokes run off your tongue ..but you are still not as funny…oh maybe for a moment. You wonder why you don’t fit in for too long.Sometimes you find a nice cosy place . You’re comfortable, delighted… and not yourself. You’ve practised your lines, have your facts together, updated on the headlines so you can drop a golden nugget during the conversation. It’s not something you are consciously thinking about, it’s just inside you.. wanting to belong, wanting to be liked, wanting to be important. You light that cigarette and order another beer while your wife cries her eyes out at home. Your heart defiant as you steel yourself to ignore the warning bells in your head. Her love is not stronger than this need you have , to fit in, to be a part of this group, to be somebody. You defiantly listen to his conversation, even when you get an inkling he is attracted …

Run…. for help.

Why do the stories of people like Amy Winehouse or Jean – Michel Basquiat fascinate us and  make us so sad at the same time? (The Jean – Michel story makes me so proud, sad and hurt!) Why do these suffering souls  that hold so much promise waste away so incredibly fast and leave this earth moved, leaving our hearts in awe but irreversibly broken? The haunting voice of Amy  “.. and I wake up alone …” or Jean Michels “Fire will attract more attention than any other cry for help.” A lot of the times its because we are not paying attention. We brush off the hurting, we figure they will figure themselves out .. or.. you have your own issues to deal with. People run. They run, wanting to find their freedom, wanting relief, wanting a listening ear. They run to drugs, alcohol, spending money they don’t have .. and they keep running. Could Amy and Jean-Michel have been alive today if they would have made different decisions? I think so. I hope you run …

What’s on your plate?

I lay on the floor on my back, breathing. I had just had a challenging day and it was only the second week of the year. ‘I can’t go on like this!’ I thought to myself almost in a panic. I’ve got too much on my plate! After a few minutes, a question bubbled up in my mind. ‘Who put all these things on your plate?’ I squirmed. I ignored the question for a few seconds. I thought of all the things I was involving myself in, things that I had willingly volunteered to help with. Projects in which I had appointed myself as the leader. ” Why did I do that?!” I said out loud. I took a good honest look at everything that I had to do, wanted to do, and had made myself do. I got on my computer and sent out emails retracting myself from unwanted projects. Projects that I was doing out of resentment because I did not want to be doing them anyway. The self-appointed leader thing? Nobody likes …

how limiting beliefs box us in

How limiting beliefs box us in

In the silence while you regroup, you start to gain clarity. I have realised how I’ve been boxing myself in, how I have let my own limiting beliefs about what success is, and HOW to get there have held me back for a long long time. I have believed that in order to be successful there is only one way. I have agreed with others that ‘ Of course there isn’t only one way!’ But I secretly believed there was only one way. I factored in my age, my background, my family, my sex…..I had a huge limiting belief that there was only one way to success.  I’ve been trudging that road and have gotten nowhere.  What made going on this road more bearable? What made me continue other than my hidden limited thoughts (really well hidden, didn’t even know they were there!) Part of it was all the good times I made myself have, to cope with being on the journey. You know how you talk about what’s great about a city, so many …

Relying on something bigger

How relying on something bigger makes you stronger.

‘I don’t have any self-confidence anymore!’ My friends fist almost pounded the coffee table the other day. He was frustrated!  He’s Italian, polishing his English…in Germany 🙂 I knew exactly where he was, and I knew offering any form of  ‘Its alright’ advice at this time was not going to cut it! I knew what it was like to be brushed off with hurried advice, and speaking to someone who has never been where I am at that moment. Remember the story of Moses? (In the bible, that big book your mama hides money in or the one where you record the deaths and weddings, yeah..that one) When God called Moses to go and speak to Pharaoh about letting the children of Israel go, Moses replied  ‘ Lord (humble face), you know I don’t speak to well, I’ve got this stutter, and to be honest, I’ve been out here in the desert and I don’t know what the latest trends are.I don’t have an iPhone. I haven’t written out a business plan for this, the finances …

Fall weather music.

As the leaves turn golden, and we hurry to get indoors because its nippy out there… the playlist on the ipod also begins to change. A little more country, a little more indie, gospel still going on strong .. I have these going on repeat. Enjoy! Lianne’s voice is amazing in her new album Blood.   Been revisiting Lifehouse this year, I loved them then and I love them even more now! A little bit of country from Dan + Shay ( cute country boys and cute puppy dogs)   my girl Sza   Edwin McCain, remember this one? *twirls* Whats fall without some kpop? Big Bang were a favourite of mine this year. ‘No Make up ‘ by Zion T Last and not least the Hillsong ‘Glorious Ruins ‘ album I have had going all year! God is good! All the time.

Making decisions that work for you.

If you want to learn a lot about life… Be a frequent commuter on the Deutsche Bahn. Today the train that I usually take to work had a troubles and we had to reroute. The train driver patiently announced that there were problems and we would have to go a few stations back in order to reroute and continue our journey forward. There was the option of getting off this fast train, getting on a slower train and continuing the journey, or staying on the fast train, going back some stations and then continuing forwards. With dramatic groans, shuffling of feet, rolling eyes… the mad exodus to the next platform began. Apps were launched, looks of panic, and droves of people milled on the platform. The crowd continued to swell and I realized.. this option was not going to work, there were more people on that platform than the coming train could hold. Meaning that people would have to wait for the next one and probably the next one as well to get going. Sigh.Was …

Saying yes when you really mean no.

  The long haul flight was not so full, so anyone could sit next to whomever they wanted to. She squished more comfortably into her chair, alone. She was flying solo. She heard giggles across the aisle, she looked up. The giggles made her heart bubble. The nonchalance of the two sisters as they sat there and munched on their chewy candy intrigued her,it reminded her of her relationship with her sister and also of how much she missed being a teenager who did not care at all what people thought. The way they laughed and giggled without a care in the world …….. they weren’t young teens either. They were at least seventeen, already young women navigating their way through the candy without fear of it affecting their hips. They seemed so in touch with their authentic feelings and spoke them on a whim and the world seems to favour those that do…..she wanted to be like that again though she didn’t know how without hurting people’s feelings ,there was something about speaking up about …

What could be better than ‘likes’ on social media?

Random acts of kindness…people find this very surprising these days! What would you do if someone ahead of you in line at the coffee shop decided to pay for your coffee as well. They didn’t announce it, they got their coffee and left, you ordered your oh so complicated hot beverage only to have the barista say.. ‘Oh it’s already been paid for.’ You look around in disbelief for the person, you vaguely remember them, was she wearing a brown coat? You gush with thankfulness, you smile. Well…that was nice. That’s how it is with Christ my friend. He paid for it all. Do you know YOU have the power to totally turn around a persons day by random acts of kindness? They don’t have to know. Pay for someone’s coffee or meal in a cafe. Leave an anonymous bouquet of flowers by a neighbours door. Remember ecards? You can still send those. That pair of shoes your best friend has been eyeing that you don’t wear that much anyway? Give them to her. It …

How lived is your life?

Hearing about the death of someone by their own hand is always really sad. Lots of questions  like why didn’t they get help? How bad was it really? Was it just a cowardly act? Did they not think of the hurt they would leave behind? ( I wrote a post on suicide a while back.) It had me thinking, how many of us ask these questions, or think them but live life as if it is not a gift? If you are alive and are not living it to the fullest how much better are you than someone that takes their  own life? (Now don’t misunderstand.I am not advocating suicide.) Is your life just an unused gift? Are you not trying all you can try to do, enjoying yourself, being adventurous? What is it that you have always wanted to do that you haven’t even looked into?  How lived is your life? xoxo

Choosing yourself.

One of the hardest things you can do is choose yourself. Say no to another person and choose yourself, your sanity, your peace, your heart. Even when what was is being asked of you sounds so good, and could be immensely beneficial. Will you sell your personal sense of peace for a cup of coffee you don’t feel like having with that friend? Will you keep working on something or for people that leave a bad taste in your mouth? Will you keep making choices that are not for your ultimate good? Choose yourself. Choose.You.

What do you really want?

You and half of your friends have no idea what you really want. Even worse? You are being told daily what it is you should want. With no money, no standing in lines, no annoying customer care person on the other end, you can find out exactly what is is you want! I’m going to tell you how you can find out what it is you want about your life, whether it’s a situation that needs to change, or things you need to eliminate, or something you used to do that used to make you happy and you have somehow completely forgotten about it. I will admit the way to do this makes me cringe a little bit.It puts me on edge because it is not so usual (for me anyway!) I remember talking to a friend about it and having them visibly cringe at the thought. ‘I could never do that!’ When I need a quick regroup, when I am feeling a bit confused when I don’t know what to do …. I practice …