All posts tagged: Thoughts

Where do you go to be soft?

  Where do you go to be soft? Where do you go to fall to your knees, neck outstretched to the sky and let the dam holding the floodgates of your heart… open… open and allow the gush… Where do you go to be still? To let your throat go hoarse from crying because you don’t know how or why.. Where do you fully express your emotions, because if you hold them tight you’ll blow.? Where do you go? Are you only useful when you are strong? Nah, find that place and go soft. We need you… soft….   Love T  

When you don’t feel like yourself anymore.

  Remember when you threw your head back in uninhibited laughter, wiping your eyes as you cried because it was so funny? Remember when you went places enthusiastically, even when no one went with you because you were genuinely interested and had to experience it for yourself? Remember when you didn’t have to use phrases like ‘No new friends’  or like social media posts that said ‘Just doing me, staying on my hustle and taking only myself to the top’ or cutting people off left right and centre because they have the wrong ‘energy’? (Writing this sentence was so exhausting for me! eye roll) Remember when your soul was  still and content, and you lived happily, you got on with your friends, and slept like a baby at night …(okay so maybe your parents were annoying but..) When you did things that made your soul sing and not at the expense of others? I remember them clearly and I am on the righteous quest to be that way again! This corrosion of the soul .. …

The changing friendships of women in their 30’s ..

Laying on my bed,  the phone I held up to my face illuminated my features. I stopped myself from moving too much ( I was at home in Zambia, laying next to my mother, because thats what grown up daughters do when they visit home, soak up every single second they have with their parents.) I was chatting with a dear friend that I had not seen or spoken to in a while. Our lives had gone in different directions much to our amusement! I was living the life she (thought) wanted, and she was living the life I (thought) wanted. Here we were, no longer cruising the streets for the next party, but in our respective homes, I was soaking up Mamas love and she was giving love being a Mama. Our fingers probably both flew over our smartphone keyboards, loving the connection again and sharing our deepest fears and aspirations like days of old, we were 23 or so again. Laying on the grass and sharing. One thing was clear. We are women in our …

How can you be the real you this time around?

I noticed myself smiling like a goofball as I walked down the streets of Itaewon yet again. I was in Seoul again. The city that is in my top 5 cities to live in. ( One day!) I was smiling because my belly was obviously full of good Korean food, I could hear Kpop being blasted from a speaker as I walked past Hamilton hotel yet again. I was dressed in a way that would be considered too….flashy for Berlin ( Berlin is über laid back darling, you must not try too hard, must be vintage, must be different but … don’t try too hard dahling). My blue mini skirt with its flashy jewels, my trusty brogues ( wore them everywhere!) and my gorgeous lip tint. I was feeling alive. I was feeling.. like myself. I didn’t care one bit that I stood out with my long blonde braids and my chocolate skin, the big grin on my face making others smile at me too. I was not trying to be anything else. When had I …

The fight to be included.

The world is at war. Not just in far away lands, lands that you see on the news, but all around you. All you need to do is look a little closer. That’s right. An all out war! This war is everywhere, in our workplaces, schools, homes.. and in our hearts. The fight to be included. Some days you win, you go home victorious, your peers loved your new idea and nodded vigorously in agreement.You’ve got this. Yes! It reaffirms that you’ve got what it takes. Most days, though, you come home, defeated, a little hopeless. Questioning if you are in the right place. Are you talented enough for this? When will someone find out that you actually don’t really know what you are doing either? Where do you belong? This is all you have at the moment so might as well make it work. … and so we fight… We back bite each other in the race to be included, we do things in secret so that when it is successful boy oh boy the …

Treading water..

  Warm brown concrete, drops of water evaporating quickly from its surface, drops of water dripping from wet little bodies in an array of colourful swimsuits. Muffled giggles, sniffles and conversations. Learning how to swim at Nkhwazi primary school in Lusaka was amazingly fun. Since I attended the ‘Little School’  ( 1st and 2nd grade) first, we splashed around in the pond with Mrs Kirby’s dogs.Then we eventually graduated to the shallow end of the boundless swimming pool at the ‘Big School’ which taught all the kids from 3rd grade to 7th grade. We got tested in our swimming skills as we went along, getting certificates as we passed each level. Some were much better swimmers than others ( I never got the gold certificate but I did get  up to silver!) and had to learn a few things in order to be a good swimmer. One of these very important things is treading water. Treading water is simply staying buoyant in a swimming pool (vertically) while keeping your head above the water. You do this …

What if its not interesting anymore?

  If it’s not interesting you anymore, if its takes an enormous amount of strength (gigantic, enormous, heartbreaking amounts!) to enjoy it and get it done….. if it feels more like a burden … if it feels mismatched and does not feel like it fits ….. It’s time to stop. Does not mean you stop forever, you may just need some time. Even if you put it down forever…. you will pick up something else. It’s okay to stop.  

You my dear cannot belong if ….

To be a part of a clique, a team, a couple. To mesh, submerge, diffuse and be one with everyone. Their jokes run off your tongue ..but you are still not as funny…oh maybe for a moment. You wonder why you don’t fit in for too long.Sometimes you find a nice cosy place . You’re comfortable, delighted… and not yourself. You’ve practised your lines, have your facts together, updated on the headlines so you can drop a golden nugget during the conversation. It’s not something you are consciously thinking about, it’s just inside you.. wanting to belong, wanting to be liked, wanting to be important. You light that cigarette and order another beer while your wife cries her eyes out at home. Your heart defiant as you steel yourself to ignore the warning bells in your head. Her love is not stronger than this need you have , to fit in, to be a part of this group, to be somebody. You defiantly listen to his conversation, even when you get an inkling he is attracted …

Run…. for help.

Why do the stories of people like Amy Winehouse or Jean – Michel Basquiat fascinate us and  make us so sad at the same time? (The Jean – Michel story makes me so proud, sad and hurt!) Why do these suffering souls  that hold so much promise waste away so incredibly fast and leave this earth moved, leaving our hearts in awe but irreversibly broken? The haunting voice of Amy  “.. and I wake up alone …” or Jean Michels “Fire will attract more attention than any other cry for help.” A lot of the times its because we are not paying attention. We brush off the hurting, we figure they will figure themselves out .. or.. you have your own issues to deal with. People run. They run, wanting to find their freedom, wanting relief, wanting a listening ear. They run to drugs, alcohol, spending money they don’t have .. and they keep running. Could Amy and Jean-Michel have been alive today if they would have made different decisions? I think so. I hope you run …

Going back to go forward

Sometimes you have to go back to go forward. You have to learn how to spell again to become a better writer, to make friends again with your old dictionary (Oxford!) and learn the meaning of words, like you did in fifth grade. Sometimes you have to admit that your work is average  and strive to make yourself better. This is how you shine.

What’s on your plate?

I lay on the floor on my back, breathing. I had just had a challenging day and it was only the second week of the year. ‘I can’t go on like this!’ I thought to myself almost in a panic. I’ve got too much on my plate! After a few minutes, a question bubbled up in my mind. ‘Who put all these things on your plate?’ I squirmed. I ignored the question for a few seconds. I thought of all the things I was involving myself in, things that I had willingly volunteered to help with. Projects in which I had appointed myself as the leader. ” Why did I do that?!” I said out loud. I took a good honest look at everything that I had to do, wanted to do, and had made myself do. I got on my computer and sent out emails retracting myself from unwanted projects. Projects that I was doing out of resentment because I did not want to be doing them anyway. The self-appointed leader thing? Nobody likes …

How you help me live a better life!

Happy New Year! How  were your holidays?  Mine? Oh, the usual,  lovely Christmas service at church, hilarious play by the kids of the little town I was visiting aaaaaannnnd….. I ate a little too much. Yup.  The great thing about the beginning of the year is how we reflect on what we want for the coming year. It’s a chance to hit the restart button on many issues in our lives and offers hope for a lot of people. In light of reflecting, I took some time off to really clarify what it is I do on this website.   Truly Twaambo brings honesty and humour to writing, motivation and encouragement. Truly Twaambo does this while helping readers live a better life. So who are my readers you may ask? My ideal reader needs direction and encouragement because we have an inborn need to fulfill our dreams. Is this you? You are in the right place!! 🙂 This is what I do with this website. Why? Emails like these: “Twaambo, I’m so discouraged. I can’t seem to get …

Africa Fashion Day Berlin 2015

I smiled sweetly at the stylish lady checking my details at the counter. I was a bit nervous and felt bad that I had not printed out my ticket but made her squint at my smartphone for the barcode as she printed my pass. I took it into my hands and smiled. I just got into the Premium International Fashion Trade Show. Giddy does not even begin to explain how I felt. I was here to learn lots of new things, to enjoy myself, but most of all for Africa Fashion Day Berlin. I have spoken a lot about supporting young African creatives on Diaspora Truth, and  this was another more fashionable way of doing so. I meandered around all the glitz and glamour, oohing and ahhing at so many great finds, listening in to what sounded like amazing conversations. I turned the corner, walked a few steps, and there it was. A collection by Alexandra Tamele I stood there for a moment with a huge smile on my face.I recognised that Lioness, I had …

Thank you me.

It was a balmy Friday evening, I was out walking the dog. Bundled in a coat we walked in the silence. It was not as cold as I expected it to be. ‘Thank you ‘ I whispered. Deeper inside me I also thanked myself. For staying home after a long day at work, for putting myself first and getting some rest. ‘Thank you me, for looking after yourself’ I whispered again. It felt good. Whisper a thank you to yourself for little things you do for yourself. Thank you me for taking out the trash otherwise my place would smell. Thank you me for going to bed early you need it. Thank you me for taking care of your health by getting some exercise. Thank you me for working hard at work. Thank you me for always trying even when it seems hard. Remember to sometimes dish out the kudos to yourself. You deserve to appreciate yourself.

When someone online hurts your feelings.

I love twitter .  I love the interaction between people all over the world, with similar interests, connecting, promoting, discussing, scheming, developing, collaborating… Then there are those that simply disagree with you, which is great, because people can express their opinions freely. What happens when people are simply mean to you for no reason?  I had a recent experience where someone I am connected with on twitter replied to my tweet and said something mean. My feelings were really hurt! What right did they have to say something like that to me! They don’t even know me! What was even more ridiculous I realised was this was someone I had never met, never laid eyes on, or spoken to ever in my life! Yet their words cut to my heart! The power of hurtful words is more than you can imagine. Internet trolls (or simply people who do not know how to disagree respectively online)  are hurting people everyday! Listen to this podcast and hear what hateful things people can do online. Don’t be a troll, …