Failing everyday.

So as is the custom in some homes over the Christmas period the family breaks out a board game or a deck of cards to play some games, keep each other busy and just have fun.
Last year we were to play a game of Rummy with a beautiful deck of antique cards.
The wine was poured, we sat next to the glorious tree, the lighting was just right

But my insides were not, I was fighting this happening with all I had.

I had spent the last ten minutes groaning (in a whisper, as you do at Christmas time) about how I hated playing cards etc
I had never played rummy before, so the rules were briefly explained before the game began.
It was a bit slow at first because two out of four of us were playing it for the first time, but we started to get into it.

As we went on, it became fun.


I managed to finish second in the first game ,  the other newbie dropped out as we shuffled the deck for another game. ( I was last in the subsequent games we played..realising that no I actually didn’t get the game and the other time was maybe just luck..?)
I realised that it was the fear of not knowing how the game is played, and failing at the game that was scary. I didn’t in fact hate playing card games, I just didn’t want to suck.
This is what is missing on a daily basis in my life..maybe yours?
We are constantly looking for ways in which we can gain approval. (Social media! Again, I love it..and hate it at the same time!)
Failing at a simple card game…feels more painful than it should. I imagined what it is like to play that game everyday and fail/ lose all the time…you would simply buck up and get better.
Sometimes that is not what we are learning in our newly digitalised lives. 
To gain more attention we do  / post more ridiculous, beautiful or outrageous content online and if we are criticised one bit, then they are ‘Haters’.

Stop right there.

You can only get better if you find out why are you not good. What does that sound like sometimes? Like ‘Hating’
So, lets get back to the root of things, maybe I should play rummy everyday, feel what it is like to fail if I lose..and then fight to get better. Will this spill over into other areas of my life?
I hope so.


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