Nobody understands either. Your family either don’t know what you are going through, they don’t care, they are offering silly answers to your deep questions.
Your friends are nonexistent (friends? what are those?). There is no one but you.
So being gone will not matter to anyone anyway right? At least the suffering will end.They will think of you then wont they? Your life feels more like a curse than a gift. Why was I even born? Everyone is so full of crap, and the world is full of evil.
It seems unnatural to speak to someone that is NOT family about what you are going through. Its weird, uncomfortable and you don’t need even more weirdness right now.
After all who wants to hear about your problems? Who will bother if your friends and family won’t? You’d be surprised.
Since you’ve tried everything how about trying this one last thing before you say goodbye….(or not)
Think about how let down you feel by everybody…now think about letting yourself down like that….. ‘..but this is the answer!’ you scream!
‘I’m not letting myself down I am helping myself!’ ….are you?
How? Denying yourself something nice…like an ice cream cone. Go ahead,go get one. Yeah yeah its seems stupid and how is an ice cream cone going to solve this?
How about you try and live your life hour by hour ,and do something nice for yourself, each hour. Be there for yourself the way you want your family/friends to be there for you. One hour at a time.
‘I don’t know how!’ you scream again!
Well……that person who seems to have it all together doesn’t know how either. They just don’t show that behind the smiles they wish they could die too sometimes.
And when the opportunity comes to speak to someone about it (and it will) forget what they think and how they feel. Let er rip!
There’s so many phone numbers you can call, suicide hotlines, religious hotlines, online groups etc…and you don’t because you don’t believe you’re THAT kind of suicide person, the ‘calling the hotline’ kind…
Leaving your family behind stunned at your death may seem like good revenge,they will now know what they were missing,that’ll fix them…or it will finally break them and make them feel how you are feeling…..well…you just became like all those people you feel are treating you so badly,you’re becoming those very people to your family.
Its not going to be easy…living hour by hour in the beginning…but at least you can look forward to the next hour for the next good thing…and before you know it , you’ll be living day by day which is the best anyone can do.
Heres looking at you kid!