I sighed in frustration as I put my phone down.I had been furiously typing. I was tired, again. I gravitated towards Instagram. What is more relaxing than scrolling through that feed, taking in stories through images, some beautifully curated, others simply raw….. numbing me to the frustration.
I had been fleshing out a problem with a friend, discussing our opposing views about an issue that seemed clearly simple to both of us, if our own ‘solution’ was implemented. I felt I had encouraged her for years, coming up with solutions, listening to her talk about the issue and sending her resources.I was ready to drop everything and come to her rescue, be the listening ear and do my part of what a good friend should do.
As the Instagram feed became stale (read: I was seeing images I had seen before ;)), I put down my phone and turned inward.To be honest, I looked at myself and saw that I have been controlling, and inconsiderate to my friend.
I had been wanting her to see my point of view and implement my solutions for her issues.
I had a big problem. Why couldn’t I let her work through this and ALLOW her to make up her mind, and be happy with what she has decided to become.. or remain?
Then it hit me. I can change my attitude right this instant. I can accept that she will change when she wants to and more importantly if she needs to.
We are surrounded by people every day.People that have been raised in different environments and have had different life experiences. There are reasons people do what they do and no matter how much you try to help, they don’t want to change.
Set yourself free in knowing that you can advise and encourage all you want but :
People will change when they want to.
Your friend that is always late, your sibling that can’t seem to get it together, your boyfriend that can’t seem to commit to you. This applies to you as it applies to me. If I am not satisfied with something I must change it.
I must also allow others the freedom of making the choice.
( I feel unhappy murky feelings towards my friend —-> I cant change her or make her do anything—> I want to feel good about my friend and our friendship again —>I accept that I need to change —>I accept I can’t change her —> I am free, I stop being controlling —> Gives the friendship some much needed freshness and air —> friendship better and richer —> Happier Twaambo )