The fight to be included.

The world is at war.

Not just in far away lands, lands that you see on the news, but all around you. All you need to do is look a little closer.

That’s right. An all out war! This war is everywhere, in our workplaces, schools, homes.. and in our hearts.

The fight to be included.

Some days you win, you go home victorious, your peers loved your new idea and nodded vigorously in agreement.You’ve got this. Yes! It reaffirms that you’ve got what it takes.

Most days, though, you come home, defeated, a little hopeless. Questioning if you are in the right place. Are you talented enough for this? When will someone find out that you actually don’t really know what you are doing either? Where do you belong? This is all you have at the moment so might as well make it work.

… and so we fight…

We back bite each other in the race to be included, we do things in secret so that when it is successful boy oh boy the only name that will be lauded is yours!

We steal each other’s ideas or exclude others in your idea at a crucial point because you need their input, but the glory must only be for the one and only. You.

Or on the flip side, you work hard at helping people with their ideas, events etc because you are part of the team right? This is what we are all here to do together is work on this goal. Secretly you may be afraid to work on something on your own, but you are a team player  and you must be included so more input! More data, more of your time.

It still leaves you disappointed.

There is no satisfaction either way. If you are riding off of other people to be included, you are a fraud. If you are dimming yourself to be included, you are resentful.

How do we numb this feeling?

Binge watching. Netflix and Chill. Video games. Alcohol.Drugs.Party.Caffeine.Sugar.Exercise.

Anything not to encourage engaging with your heart and asking ‘Whats the real problem here?’

Movies from ages past tackle this very  problem (Mean Girls anyone?), coming of age movies, movies that make you fist bump at the sky ‘Yes!Justice at last for our hero/heroine! Life is just after all!’

Unfortunately, it feels like life is the continual awkwardness of Forrest Gump.

Where is the relief for this war? How can we escape? What’s the cure for the constant feeling of being excluded, not good enough, fake, resentful?

Take care of your soul. Yes this phrase again, what does that even mean! Try things that nourish your heart. Television is not always nourishing. Sitting in front of the tube with loud explosions, or constant tears … helps you forget for a little while. How about some time without T.V and ( God forbid!) your phone.

Try things that nourish your heart. Television is not always nourishing. Sitting in front of the tube with loud explosions, or constant tears … helps you forget for a little while. How about some time without T.V and ( God forbid!) your phone.(I know 3 people that do not own smartphones. If you have to send them a picture you have to use MMS. It won’t even go through most times.What do they do with their time? Gardening, making and selling cheese, buying and making art, baking, guitar.)

Get away from things and face yourself. With empathy.Not sympathy. Empathy.

Not sympathy. Empathy.

What’s the difference?

sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another. (source) (put yourself in your own shoes, respectfully and with understanding.)

Don’t feel sorry for yourself but understand that it’s okay that you want to feel included. Everyone does. That’s why teenage girls will defend their place in the popular group because .. inclusion. That’s why you will look your nose down at the new guy at work because he is not a part of the clique yet, and you might be  excluded for associating with the ‘enemy’.

That’s why advertising can use phrases like ‘ Only 5 places left in this amazing club..’ because.. we all want to belong. People want to belong so much that they will do the unthinkable.

You belong. Treat your soul with care.

Instead of relief, seek to restore.Restore that soul. Face yourself.Reassure yourself. You cannot function in this world with a parched soul.

Where is this world going? What condition will your soul be in?


T  – (feels excluded but strives for restoration.Prayer does it for me Asking the Big man for restoration.Lots of it ….. and trips to my grandmother’s village deep in Southern Zambia. No running water , electricity or phone network..but oh a sky full of stars.)

p.s ‘I don’t have time for soul care!’ You don’t have the time to continue the way you have. Restore.

p.s.s No elaborate prayer needed for the restoration ” Hi God, my soul aches and I need restoration. Please restore me. Thank you.”



  1. Goodstuff,thought provoking…..Got plenty of soul searching & restoring to do.
    Thanks T!!! xxx

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