friendship, hard friendships, clarity in friendships

When friendship becomes too much work

I’ve posted before about getting off the social platform for a while when things have gotten pretty rough, but now I have a clearer view of why I did it and why I seemed to do it so often.

I was not able to say no to exhausting friends.

You know them, friends that you were close to in high school, friends that you may have shared an office with at one time, friends of friends that you got on with like a house on fire during a night out or a dinner….
but now it just takes too much effort to stay friends, to be upbeat about their accomplishments, to always be there for some milestone they crossed or something they have celebrated ‘we’re getting married!’ ‘We’re having a baby!’ ‘I got the job!’…
I have tried to respond enthusiastically to all these things and have felt like a pancake after..pretty flat.
It became another full-time job, to be honest, to stay friends with some people.
Then I realised,

I was the problem.

*gasp* *shock*

I did not accept what will never change..and that is change itself.

Things are not the same anymore, my friend is now responsible for a household and a child, she may not have time to coo over the latest September issue of Vogue. 

It was not that we don’t connect anymore…we just had no found the other connection to fit our new lives!


Realising this made it easier for me,more relaxed,I didn’t have to make so much effort, be uncomfortable and put pressure on the other person because no doubt they were feeling the pressure too.
So backing off..feels so good 🙂 and coffees with those with whom you are on the same page with still rock…no you’re not abandoning your friend, you’re just treading water for that renewed spark..

Then there is the other perspective.

The friend that has continuously been rude to you, and you have overlooked it every single time.


Well….you think ‘they must know better’ or ‘he’s just having a bad day’…but this has been quite the long bad day darling, in fact, its been a whole darn season!
Maybe it is time to step away from that as well…because you see I’ve learnt that the better I treat myself..the better people treat me.
It’s the truth!


  1. True that. I think you made the right decision regarding the ‘social media/friends appearance’. And you have every reason to treat yourself the best you can…oh and i think the facozy tea cups and the tattooed boy fit just perfectly;)

  2. nice message indeed sometimes it does become a second job.i’m proud of you hun.

  3. Anonymous

    I love this post.So relatable.When a friendship starts to feel like work,I gotta go.I always find precious gems on your blog.

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